Convenient Gallup Map Shows Us Where NOT to Live

The tens of people who read my sad, little blog have known me for some time, now, and are aware of the fact that I've moved more times in the past twelve years than most people move in their entire lives.  A lot of those movements have involved relocating in and around the American South, and though there were a couple of times when those moves resulted in good things happening, great friendships, and lifelong connections, there is one truth that remains self-evident:

The South sucks.

Now, I should really qualify that statement before I'm accused of making a blanket judgment.  It isn't that I believe the physical area sucks - many of the vistas in the South are gorgeous, with fantastic views and natural landscapes all determined to send me into allergenic paroxysms; nor were all of the people I encountered while living in various areas in the South terrible people.

There are, however, many things that occurred while I was living in the South that brought me to the conclusion that no eventual good can come from living there.

Gallup recently produced a poll which backs up one of my primary complaints - extreme religiosity is present more in the South than anywhere else in the country.  Those of us wishing to avoid constantly having our religious beliefs (or lack thereof) questioned on a near-daily basis, or who wish to enjoy their lives without an inevitable full-frontal assault of the Jesus Freak variety, should refer to this convenient map, courtesy of Gallup:

One of my favorite arguments by religious conservatives is when they blame natural disasters on that particular state's lack of Christian morals; for their support of gay rights; for their straying from God's path.  That's very interesting when you pair the above map with the following map, illustrating the areas in the country most likely to experience natural disasters:

Wildfires, tornadoes, hurricanes...all conveniently more likely the most religious parts of the country, which kind of puts a crimp in the beliefs that a lack of Christianity is directly related to God's wrath by way of natural disasters.  It is therefore appropriate that these two maps (as well as the accompanying maps below the latter) provide us with an easy map of places to never live.

The myriad problems with the South are further complicated when you apply other maps to this rubric.  The following map shows the incidence of diabetes:

  

This map shows the teen birth rate:

This map shows the number of reported STDs:

This map shows the incidence of HIV:

This map shows the overall health index (the lighter colors represent the lowest rating):

That's a lot of inconvenient happenstance.  Just looking at those maps should be enough to terrify anyone from living in the affected areas, and should certainly make those who believe that a lack of belief in God leads to ruin rethink their assumptions.

Sure, there are several excuses for why people love living in those areas: the cheap price of land, the lower cost of living, the lower gas prices, and the milder winters.  But, once you get there, these benefits tend to be overshadowed by the stark absence of other benefits: public transportation, opportunities of urban entertainment, and a general lack of urban culture (arts, in particular).  Certainly, this is not the case for every Southern city, but it is the case for the vast majority of the South.

Of all the places I have lived over the course of my life, I can honestly say that I have never been more mirthless than when living in the South.  The combination of crazy religious people, terrible tippers, and the lack of access to cultural endeavors often led me to distraction.  I made more poor decisions in the South than in any other place I've ever lived, primarily because I was either bored or simply self-destructive.

While I know I will likely end up settling back in the Northeast, I do enjoy the lack of religious influence in Los Angeles.  Knowing that I will likely never be accosted by some freak insisting that my godless ways are going to bring about the downfall of America is one of the few comforts I enjoy living in L.A.

Ultimately, where we live and how we perceive those places is up to the individual.  Many of my friends have told me that it's "not where you live, but what you make of it."  I think that's bullshit.  While I love the friends I made living in the South, even their presence isn't enough to make me ignore the numerous issues I have with the American South, and rather than inflict my displeasure upon them in person, I am far more comfortable doing so from far away.