As some of you know, I work in a sports bar/restaurant named "Barney's Beanery," at the location in Westwood near the UCLA campus. Back in the late 70s, the original location in West Hollywood caused quite a stir within the gay community over a sign in the men's restroom that said something (no one can seem to quite pin it down) to the effect of, "No Fags Allowed."
Of course, being located in the Gay Mecca of the 90s, the West Hollywood community didn't take that lying down (which was a first......*ba-dum-dum*). A giant fuss was made, the owner took down the sign, and there was a ceremonial bowl of Barney's Famous All Meat Chili.
But, as time will tell, the LGBT community has a long memory, and once they feel scorned, they never forgive and never forget.
When I first got the job at the Westwood location, several of my gay friends expressed horror that I would work there.
"How could you work there? They're anti-gay!"
I was accused of all manner of treachery, which I found rather ironic, given the fact that I had been jobless since the beginning of April, and desperately needed the job, and after several failed interviews, I would've gladly worked in a porn store in Compton.
The accusations against Barney's felt even more ridiculous after I viewed their three-hour training video, in which there was a section that very specifically addressed discriminatory behavior, and that it would be in no way tolerated.
Throughout most of my 2.5 years at Barney's, I have been the lone openly gay employee (though there have been speculations about the proclivities of a few others, here and there), but never have I felt discriminated against, primarily because I make it a very serious point to not cross the line and come on to any of the male employees. Unwanted advances from any coworker always make things awkward, regardless of the genders involved.
In fact, for the most part, everyone has been nothing but über supportive of me, whether it involves my relationship troubles or my health condition. They've even spurred me on when I had a customer come on to me after my shift was over, one evening.
All things considered, working at Barney's has always been a pleasant experience.
Last night, my faith in the establishment was once again reaffirmed when a cute gay couple in their mid-twenties came into the bar on a minor UFC fight night, sat in a prominent location on the Rail on the second floor, and proceeded to be openly affectionate with one another without fear of being the victims of discrimination.
They held hands, whispered sweet nothings, basically sat on top of one another, and even exchanged a few chaste kisses. Basically, they behaved like every other couple in the restaurant, and low and behold, no one bothered them. No employees expressed disgust, no managers got involved, and better yet, none of the other customers in my section made even the slightest mention of them.
It was a display of something that I've always tried to practice in my own life - being comfortable with being gay, regardless of where I am.
Unlike several of my gay friends who are a few years older than I, I've never had a problem with people being straight in gay establishments, primarily because I have no problem being gay in so-called straight establishments.
There is something of a "Reclaim the Gay" movement building within the gay male community, where gay men feel the need to reestablish their dominance of gay establishments and events. Children and straight families at gay pride events; straight couples coming out to gay bars and restaurants; women coming into gay leather bars; West Hollywood sponsoring more events for children than for gay men; women having bachelorette parties at gay bars - each of these represents an encroachment upon our "safe spaces," and are an insult to our culture and make a mockery of our struggle for equal rights, according to several prominent gay men and publications.
While I can (occasionally) understand where they're coming from, the whole movement leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Having come out of the closet during my Junior year of high school in northeastern TN, my experience with being gay was one of extreme caution. I was openly gay, and was unashamed of that fact, but there was always the threat of violence lingering in the background. I was incredibly paranoid when walking by myself in public places or parking lots for fear of being attacked by some God-fearing mouth breather from the holler.
There's still a small place inside of me where this fear and paranoia resides - but that part of me is the violent part. Truth be told, I wouldn't WANT to be the person who fucks with me for being gay, because they will likely be on the receiving end of retaliatory actions that may result in their untimely death.
For the most part, however, I long ago reached the point where I felt comfortable with being gay to be gay wherever I go, regardless of the orientation of the venue. I've been on dates at Hooters restaurants, casual dining establishments, and fine dining establishments, along with gay restaurants (which can often either be gay or good, but rarely both); I've been on dates in gay bars, sports bars, and dive bars, never caring what people thought of me, and never once experiencing poor service as a result of being gay.
As for straight people "encroaching upon my safe spaces," I think that's a bunch of bullshit. If the LGBT community is going to live up to our decades old rallying cry, "We're here; we're queer; get used to it," expect to be accepted everywhere, and fight for the equality we say we so fervently desire, we need to get over ourselves and accept that with that push for equal access comes some amount of homogenization. How can expect the rest of the world to accept us in their spaces if we do not welcome them into ours? What have we to hide that is so great that they should not be welcomed with open arms into our establishments?
Last night, my faith in humanity was renewed, if only a little. Seeing that couple being openly affectionate without fear of recrimination lifted my spirits. They weren't making a big spectacle of themselves; they were just being who they were, without apologies.
There was no demonstration; there were no protest signs; there was no en masse kiss-in - there were two people on date, connecting with one another like everyone else who was on a date, and not making a big deal about it.
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